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Science |
Teacher: Hands up all those who wish to go to Heaven. All the childern put their hands, except for little Ahmed.
Teacher:Ahmed ,don't you want to go to Heaven?
Ahmed: Well,miss,my mum said I ha to go straight home after a school.
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Teacher :Aslam say something beginning with "I"
Aslam:"I" is......
Teacher: No,Aslam,you must say I am...
Aslam:All right ,I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
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Mother:Shall I put the kettle on?
Father:No ,dear ,I dont think it would suit you
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Javed:Dont you find it sticky travelling to town these days?
Driver:Yes, its jam all the way.
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Girl(standing in the middle of abusy road):Officer (road police),can you tell me how to get to the hospital?
Policeman : Just stay right where you are.
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Scientist(at Scientific congress) Gentlemen we have now discovered an acid that will eat up everything. Voice from the floor: What are we going to keep it in?
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Asia: I got 100 in biology today ,and still didnt pass.
Father: (horrified) Why ever not?
Asia:The answer was 200.
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What is insurance?
What you pay for now so that you will have nothing to worry about when you are dead.
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Father: I see from your school report that you are not doing so well in history .
Son: Its not my fault. The teacher always asks me about thing that happened before I was born.
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Customer: How much for a haircut?
Barber: Seventy five pence.
Customer:How much for a shave ?
Barber: Seventy five pence.
Customer: Okay, shave my head.
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Nit: Haven't I see your face somewhere else?
Wit: I don't think so. Its always been between my ears.
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Vic: I've changed my mind.
Dick: Thank goodness. Does the new one work any better.
Suhail:Why do you have two "L" plates on your car?
Saleem:One is for my wife whos learning to drive the other is for her mother in the back-seater driver.
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Mr Ali:Doctor says I must get rid of twenty pounds.
Mrs. Ali:Iwill help you dear. I will go out and buy a new dress and you will get rid of twenty pounds in no time.
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Aslam was sent to the greengrocers for three pounds of bananas.After he came home his mother phoned the shop and complained."I sent my son for three pounds of banana and you have only given him two".
Mada,said the shopkeeper ,my scales are correct. Have you weighed your son?
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Did you hear about the man who got so fed up by reading that smoking was bad for the health that he immediately gave up reading?
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After the telephone had been installed in her home, the lady called the operator.
"My telephone cord is too long, she said. "Would you please pull it a little from your end?
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Salman: Why do you always part your hair in the middle?
Ali:So that I will be evenly balanced when I ride my bicycle.
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Lady customer: I would like a shirt for my husband.
Assistant:Yes,madam,whatsize?
Lady Customer: I don't know, but I can just get both my hands round his neck, if that's any help
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Aslam:Mummy,why do you have some grey hair?
Mummy :I expct its because you are so naughty and cause so much worry.
Aslam:Oh-you must have been terrible to Grandmother.
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Little adnan came home from school very fed up."I wish I would lived in the olden days", he said.
Oh,why?said his mother."Because then I would not have so much history to learn".
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Auntie Amina: Well, Suhail what are you to do when you are big as your mother?
Suhail:Go on a diet.
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Mother :Ali did you fall down with your good trousers on?
Ali:Yes, mum, there wasn't time to take them off.
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